Kerry Cohen is a self-proclaimed "loose girl." The 39-year-old writer and psychotherapist defines that as "a girl who needs male sexual attention to feel like she matters."

Cohen's experiences led her to write a book by the same title, which was released in paperback earlier this year. Here's more from the Portland-based author from a recent e-mail interview. Q: Can you tell readers a little bit about your book?

Cohen: Loose Girl is the story of how I came to need male attention to feel worthwhile in the world. It spans the years from when I was 11 to 30, and got married.

Q: To your mind, what is a "loose girl"?

Cohen: It means that she defines herself by her worth as a sexual creature, as being wanted by boys. It doesn't necessarily mean she has tons of sex, but she probably does, because that's naturally where the sexual attention ends.

Q: What's the difference between addiction and a healthy appetite for sex and sexual attention?

Cohen: I've gotten harangued for suggesting that teenage girls who have lots of sex are by definition unhappy, and they shouldn't do so, but I'm not saying that at all. Obviously, teenage girls have sexual desire and curiosity, and I don't think we have a culture that allows girls to define their sexual identity and development inside that, but I sure wish we did. When you pursue sexual attention at the expense of normal healthy behavior, and when there is something you are after again and again – something like, "I need this person to make me feel like I matter in the world" – then it is self-harming to keep doing it.

Q: How much of human behavior do you think is based on "nature" and how much on "nurture"? Can we fight biology?

Cohen: Like everything in the world, I believe it is both. I also believe that because I developed who I was as an emotional and sexual creature inside the realm I did, I am permanently something different than I might have been otherwise. That's why I didn't write the book as a treatise against my behavior, or as a book that berated my parents for what they did, or whatever. It's who I am. It's who many girls and women (and men, it turns out) are, and I just wanted to write that story, to give it voice, so that those girls and women and men could feel like, "Yes! Me too! That's how I feel!"

Q: You seem to have carved out a "normal" existence for yourself as an adult. How have you done that?

Cohen: I've managed to make choices for myself that honor who I am and don't hurt me anymore. Part of my "normal" existence is fully embracing the part of me that craves that attention. My own lack of real recovery is the biggest criticism I've received about the book. But the truth is, I don't believe we recover. I believe we carry this struggle through our lives, and then we have to make choices that will make us feel less bad.

Q: Why is a healthy sexuality so important?

Cohen: Healthy sexuality is pretty much on par with a healthy emotional life. Unfortunately – or maybe fortunately – there is no solid, one-size-fits-all definition of what healthy sexuality looks like for everyone.

Got a question about sex? Jenny's your girl. (If she doesn't know the answer, she'll find those who do.) E-mail her at myopenbook@yahoo.com.

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