I've hosted two very different sex toy parties in my life. The first was in the depths of suburbia in Richmond, Va. I lived in a Stepford-like gated community, where all the women were pretty, all the children were smart and all the men were successful. At least that was the façade of it all. The truth was that many of the couples I met were unhappy in all sorts of ways, not the least of which was sexual.

The day a close friend told me that she had never, um, taken care of business for herself, I knew it was time to do something. I contacted a local "romance party" company and booked an event. That night I stocked the bar, put out the veggie platters and crossed my fingers. Would my friends freak out? Would they be too shy to have a good time? Would they leave before the evening was even under way? Much to my surprise, the answers were no, no and no.

There was a great deal of drinking, an even greater deal of shopping and a surprising amount of sharing. Not just that night, but for a long time after. Women were suddenly confiding in me about their sex lives. I was thrilled to have cracked the shell, and was delighted when husbands winked and thanked me at neighborhood cocktail parties.

Fast-forward six years. I live in Dallas, in an open marriage and have a girlfriend younger than me. Her friends are so different from the ones I had back in Virginia. They're not married. They don't have kids. Their careers are on the rise instead of on hiatus. They are smart. And they are sexual. I don't mean in a skanky way. I mean in a self-actualized way. They aren't afraid to talk about their sex lives, and they are not ashamed of being sexual people.

It made me curious about how they would behave at a sex toy party. So I called up a company with products that are high-end but not outrageously expensive.

The party was a hit. Everyone laughed and talked and shopped. The funny thing was, it was far tamer than the first party. The girls had a glass or two of wine, but no one got smashed like they did back in Virginia. The girls were laid-back and intrigued. But no one stripped down to their underwear as part of a party challenge. Part of it had to do with the party company – the first company was racier, the second was much more chic.

But it also had to do with the temperaments and attitudes of the women in attendance. My friends back east went nuts because it was their first time out of the gate. But the Dallas set had goodie drawers of their own already, and talked about sex with an enviable freedom.

I was glad I had the second party. It confirmed my belief that things are getting better in the sexual universe despite some factions still trying to keep people in the dark ages. But I was even happier I had the first. There's nothing like showing people the light for the first time.

Either way, it's an activity I highly recommend. There's nothing that brings women together or revs up the sex life better than testing out new playthings with friends in the comfort of home.

Got a question about sex? Jenny's your girl. (If she doesn't know the answer, she'll find those who do.) E-mail her at myopenbook@yahoo.com.

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