Hi Jenny,

I've been married for 18 years and my wife does not like oral sex. Does this suggest anything unusual?

Curious husband

Well, the fact that your wife says she is not interested could mean a couple of things. One, she just doesn't like it. Some people find it physically unappealing.

There are some simple things you can do. For example, suggest showering together before you hit the sheets. Even if you're both perfectly clean already, showering can put her mind at ease.

You might also consider, um, grooming. That goes for both of you. There is nothing wrong with going natural, but if your wife finds that look off-putting, a little makeover can help to change her tune.

But it is more likely that this is more of a psychological issue. She may consider the act too "dirty" to be a part of a loving marriage. Unfortunately, some women think of their sexual organs as offensive in some ways, and she may be transferring those feelings, thus making her not want to give or receive. If so, I would recommend seeking a counselor.

But I would also recommend having a real heart-to-heart with her. Assure her that you love her body and all of its parts, and ask her to share with you any insecurities she might have. She may have had a lousy experience or two in the past. If that's the issue – and you'll likely have to gently coax that info out of her – invite her to tell you what she likes and doesn't, and offer to do the same for her. Do some experimenting and tell her you won't be offended if she guides you through things a couple of times. She may be thrilled and relieved at the opportunity.

The most important sexual organ is the brain. And, right now, your wife's is not in the right place. The journey to get it there may be simple or it might require some digging. Either way, it's sure to be worth it all around.

Now is the time to open the door. You might be pleasantly surprised about what can happen when you do.

Jenny will be part of a discussion about adultery on an upcoming episode of Nightline. The show is taping Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Fellowship Church, 2450 N. Highway 121, Grapevine, and is open to the public. For more info, go to fellowshipchurch.com.

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