"What do girls expect from a guy?"

That was all the Yahoo message said. It was sent without a greeting or closure or any sort of additional information. At first I filed it away. "How could I possibly answer that question?" I thought.

But I couldn't stop thinking about it. What do girls expect from a guy? Do they all expect the same thing? At least some of the same things? Are they the same things that women expect from men? And, if not all, are at least some of those things the same?

I love a challenge, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

Since this is a sex column, I have to guess that the writer was asking about girls' expectations in reference to sex. I must begin with a disclaimer, because I don't think any two women – or any two people, for that matter – ever want exactly the same thing. But I think the basics can be assumed. What girls expect from a guy when it comes to sex is respect.

I know that sounds mind-numbingly simple. But respect is a fantastically all-encompassing word. Girls want you to respect that they are people, not toys. That they have minds, not just bodies. That their needs are just as important as yours. They want you to respect their feelings and thoughts and opinions, even if they differ from yours.

What does all of that mean in a practical sense? Well, it means that if they say "no," they mean "no." Even if they have said "yes" before to any number of things. If they are saying "no" now, they mean "no" now.

It means that you can have all sorts of fancy tricks up your sleeve when it comes to the physical part of sex, but that if you don't play to her mind as well – you've blown it.

It means that just because you're satisfied doesn't mean that the party's over. Respecting someone in bed means the pleasure should be mutual.

It means that if you think something is sexy and she doesn't, you agree to disagree.

What girls expect from guys when it comes to sex is really what any human being has a right to expect from another human being. Treat her how you expect to be treated.

Got a question about sex? Jenny's your girl. (If she doesn't know the answer, she'll find those who do.) E-mail her at myopenbook@yahoo.com.

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