The American consumer has once again come to the American Consumer-Based Economy's rescue. This holiday shopping season has started with a little bang.

Did you know that the day after Thanksgiving is known as "Black Friday" because it is the day that businesses hope to move out of the "red ink" and into "the black?" I didn't. I mistakenly thought Black Friday was a "diversity holiday," so I made treats for all of my African-American co-workers. I exchanged cellophane pouches of MLK cookies for curious looks in the cubicle area until a red-faced boss gently corrected me.

I'm now looking for a new job. Skills: racially sensitive, makes cookies.

Big holiday sales kinda restore your faith in humanity. Just when we thought people were going to stop spending money they didn't own, they surprise us. In fact, Black Friday sales were up 7 percent over the previous year. I guess it proves people love MLK cookies.

But our economy is still Mark Knopfler (in dire straits). We must cut back where we can, especially on things like "food for the baby" and "charity." Other categories should remain untouched, like "electronics" and "lube."

I know I am adjusting my Christmas list this year. I originally asked Santa for a pair of golden boots with diamond wings, but now I am asking him for diamond boots with golden wings. They might look better with jorts.

Did you know there are some areas of Dallas in which homeowners not only hire people to do their lawn work, but also to put up their Christmas lights? It's true. I come from solid middle-class stock. My father always did his own lawn and strung up his own Christmas lights.

But now it is apparently cheaper to hire a day laborer to be your father. You should have seen the look on my mom's face when I introduced her to the scrawny guy with a thin mustache she would now be sleeping with. She said it was her best Christmas ever.

In conclusion, they say it is more blessed to give than to receive. That's why I am sacrificing this year by cutting back on gift-giving. If you're a friend or family member, don't expect anything more than a hello or a wink from me. But you should still give me whatever I ask for.

Consider it my gift to you.

Hear Gordon on "The Ticket" KTCK-AM (1310) weekdays from 5:30 to 10 a.m. Catch him on TV on The Gordon Keith Show, Thursday nights at 12:35 a.m. on Channel 8. E-mail him at gordon@gordonkeith.com.

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