I love the Earth's environment. In fact, it is one of my favorite places to live. Yes, I love eagles soaring and bended grain, and any other soft image found behind prayer scriptures on TV. However, as much as I love the environment, I suck at preserving it.

I am not saying that I dump the ashtray of my Caprice Classic on the asphalt at intersections, or that I leave used condoms in the bushes, but I do have a large carbon footprint. I like to run my A/C at 68 degrees. I like my house lighted up like a high school stadium. I always print out long articles that I want to read, and my takeout food leaves behind a wake of empty containers that could fill a residential swimming pool.

I suspect my very existence puts a dent in Earth so big it makes Iron Eyes Cody shape-shift into the fetal position and refuse to come out of his room, while his misunderstanding mother calls through the door, "Come on, Iron Eyes, there's other fish in the sea."

"Other fish also polluted by Gordon," he sobs.

I guess I could buy carbon offsets for all this, but doesn't that take money? I spend all that on utilities. There is one environment-friendly lifestyle change I can proudly say I have adopted.

I have flirted with the idea of carpooling for years. Happily chatting with fellow workers as we swap driving and wives sounds idyllic and nostalgic. Two things have historically kept me from it: I go to work at 4 a.m., and I hate people.

However, a few days ago I began carpooling, against my will, with a mosquito. I don't know how that buzzing evil got in my car, and I never can locate him long enough to send him to Jesus, but he has been with me every morning for the past three days. How do I know? Every time I get out of the car, it looks like I have the chicken pox – red welts covering me like bubble wrap.

It amazes me I can't find him. He feeds on me enough in the first five minutes of my drive that I expect to turn and see him buckled in the passenger's seat, seatbelt stretched over his engorged belly, as I merge and ask what he wants to listen to.

I am tired of it. I may not be doing much for the environment, but I am about to make damn sure there will be one less mosquito in the world. And that's a start.

Hear Gordon on "The Ticket" KTCK-AM (1310) weekdays from 5:30 to 10 a.m. E-mail him at gordon@gordonkeith.com. And go to QuickDFW.com for his weekly "Ask Gordon" feature.

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