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Squat down and listen to this

12:00 AM CDT on Thursday, March 19, 2009

GORDON KEITH NEWSPAPER COLUMN

In this economy, anyone who hasn't been laid off is doing the job of someone who has. Perhaps you are one of them – doing three times the amount of work for the same pay – but if you are smart, you don't openly complain about it.

I am not suggesting that you "whistle while you work" because, let's face it, whistling is annoying, especially if you put all that vibrato in it. However, I am saying it's best to not gripe about a heavy workload. Your boss is looking for any justification to put your head on the chopping block and give the guy next to you enough work to kill a pack mule.

But have our American pack mules grown soft?

Even before the economy went south, our politicians peppered speeches with "Americans work harder than ever." Really? I work a lot of hours, just like you. I'm always connected to the office through e-mail, just like you.

But am I really working harder than my great-grandfather who was a sharecropper and had to drink milk directly from the cow's teat? I don't think so.

Sure, he didn't have to deal with annoying e-mails or keep his Facebook fresh, but he worked from sunup to can't see and wore peat moss for clothing. So I'm pretty sure he worked harder than just about any of my friends.

Our definition of hardship has changed. It used to mean digging through garbage for rotten potatoes to feed your kids. Now, hardship means the bank wants its house back and you must wait for a "no interest for two years" deal before buying your next flat-screen.

I don't mean to diminish the suffering that some are going through, but shouldn't we remember that we still have it better than 99 percent of people who ever lived?

Get this. More than half the people in India RIGHT NOW practice something called "open defecation," meaning they must walk out into field or squat along a riverbank to deposit their human hell on the ground because they don't have access to a toilet. This contaminates drinking water, crops and, according to Unicef, causes 1,000 children under 5 years of age EVERY DAY to die of sanitation-related diseases.

Makes me feel bad for complaining about staff cuts, vacation time and loss of bagel privileges.

"Don't openly complain, unless you want to openly defecate." Not only a great T-shirt idea, but a hell of a country song, too.

Hear Gordon on "The Ticket" KTCK-AM (1310) weekdays from 5:30 to 10 a.m. E-mail him at gordon@gordonkeith.com.

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