BEN & SKIN'S HOT POTATO SALADTOPIC 1

Skin: One of the most bizarre moments among last week's avalanche of celebrity insanity was David Letterman "confessing" to his TV audience that he was being blackmailed by someone with knowledge of his self-described sexual creepiness. But where are the shocking revelations? A rich famous guy had sex with people he worked with? How tepid is that – there's no teeth to it all. If you want teeth, ask Marv Albert about sexual creepiness.

Ben: I love the way Dave handled everything head-on. As long as a sex tape doesn't surface, we can all consider ourselves winners on this one. After all, we've learned some valuable lessons here about what not to do next time we attempt to extort money from a celebrity.

Skin: And Lord knows we all need to feel like winners after watching SNL the past two weeks. Wow, it's been awful. The funniest moments were provided by U2's and Lady Gaga's performances. Which begs the question: Is Lady Gaga going for intentionally bad and uncomfortable? I feel like she may be doing a "Let's test your threshold, a la Andy Kaufman" kind of thing. Is she the new Spinal Tap?

Ben: Agreed. SNL has been stuck on auto-poop this season. Fred Armisen is usually money, but his Obama impersonation is embarrassing. It sounds exactly like a Fred Armisen impersonation. They've also got to figure out a way to keep the ball away from Kenan Thompson. Hopefully, Alec Baldwin will arrive in time to save the day and bail everyone out once again, before this TV diaper starts reminding everyone of the Horatio Sanz era.

TOPIC 2

Ben: It appears that an evil entity of unknown origin has successfully sabotaged the Cowboys' season by turning Tony Romo into Quincy Bledsoe. He's got a real "walk-the-bases-loaded-then-walk-in-a-touchdown" aura about him this year. Skin, let me tell you a heroic story about a soon-to-be football legend I like to call "Jon Kitna."

Skin: I kind of prefer this approach – being mediocre now instead of getting everybody's hopes up and then just absolutely sucking after Thanksgiving, when it matters most. This is fun, living life as someone else. I think it's a valuable experience to approach Sundays the way a Houston Texans fan normally does.

Ben: I officially regret gambling my soul on Romo being the real deal. Clearly I'm doing everything wrong and need to rethink my entire crumbling universe. If SNL and the Cowboys are going to let me down like this all fall, I might as well carve "Brooks was here" in one of my walls and shut it down till next year. Next time you see me, I will be in zombie-hibernation-fake-awake mode.

TOPIC 3

Skin: Our 20-year high school reunion kicks off this week, homie. Let's tear it up like we did our senior year by getting smashed playing quarters with lukewarm tallboys until I can't stand up, and you have to carry me on your shoulders and claim that we're doing our Thunderdome-Master-Blaster routine to save me from embarrassment.

Ben: That sounds awesome. Unfortunately, I've got to return some videotapes this weekend and won't be able to make it. Scientists recently confirmed that Depeche Mode and Girbaud jeans are best served with a "terrifying fear of getting a minor-in-possession ticket" vibe. Besides, I've been enjoying a high school reunion every day for the past year. It's called Facebook.

Skin: Dude, c'mon. This is going to be gold. Where's your sense of adventure? Don't be the guy to give love a bad name. I've rented an IROC with a recently cleaned tape deck, so I can pull up bumping a kick-ass mix tape with Dolby noise reduction showing off a Bon Jovi/Kon Kan/Cameo mega-mix. Let's do this!

Ben: Go get your Billy Madison on, yo. I support you and your exciting sense of adventure. However, I'm going to lean on my tried and true Jedi sense of ass-whip avoidance and sit this one out. I found a company called Rekall that will erase all of my high school memories and replace them with fake memories of a vacation on Mars with Sharon Stone, a Terminator and all of my wife's most attractive friends.

Follow the guys at twitter.com/benandskin.

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