BEN & SKIN'S HOT POTATO SALADTOPIC 1

Skin: I admit that I'm not the target demo for anything, but could someone please explain to me who it is that Larry King appeals to? The insanity of that particular scene has recently been exacerbated by the frequent appearances of Joe Jackson, who seems to be there only to compete with Larry to see who can be more incoherent and out-meander the other.

Ben: I stopped watching L.K. when he got those 34-double-D shoulder implants. Prior to that, the only reason I watched was because his show's set reminded me of my old Lite-Brite. I used to find that very comforting.

Skin: I guarantee you the dude behind that genius scoreboard at Jerryworld got his start on a Lite-Brite. Just as Mark Cuban got his start on Monopoly and Rachael Ray got her start with an Easy-Bake Oven. And Larry King got his start with Mad Libs.

Ben: Speaking of that scoreboard, why do punters have it out for Jerry? How does anyone take a punter seriously? I'd rather have a combover than be an ex-punter. That said, they should go ahead and raise that punt magnet by another 30 feet. But not because of a punter. Because they feel like it.

TOPIC 2

Ben: Tori Spelling recently launched a new line of Q-Tips at Macy's. Are they different than regular Q-Tips? No. The only thing that makes these different is that they come in a decorative box. Wow. I can't wait to see the next random celebrity endorsement of something that everyone in the world already uses. My money is on John Goodman-brand toilet paper.

Skin: What a weird turn of events for her. She was so great in all that other stuff she did after 90120.

I'm trying to remember how all that went down. Seems like the Brian Austin Green character could never talk her character into the sack, and then Aaron Spelling passed away. I hear Green is endorsing a line

of vests called "Seriously, this is what I'm doing now."

Ben: I wonder if they can make those vests bulletproof and in 3XL. BTW, how did Brian Austin Green land Megan Fox? That'd be like Carrot Top landing someone. Side note, I'm beginning to think that Carrot Top

is juicing, so I'm not sure how many of his home runs should count. Maybe Larry King will have him on

and get to the bottom of the controversy.

Skin: If Carrot Top were to walk in front of a funhouse mirror, his reflection would look normal. That is if you consider Danny Bonaduce "normal-looking." There's no doubt Megan Fox is hot, but it didn't take very long to discover that she has some seriously faulty wiring in her decision-making skills.

TOPIC 3

Skin: They need to rethink the way they name hurricanes. There is no way a storm should ever be named Bill. Bill isn't a storm, it's a dude you want to drink beer and play cards with. It's a guy who works a mean grill while having a casual conversation about the pennant races. It's the name of your dearly departed Pops – God rest his glorious soul. It sure as hell ain't a storm. Hurricanes should be named after STDs or pungent smells – not classy dudes.

Ben: I agree. Naming just about anything "Bill" that's not a human being is just downright lazy. I think they should either Hollywood-up the names of storms to make them more entertaining, or just sell title sponsorships. I think "The Hurricane of Death" sounds interesting. Or perhaps "Dr Pepper Presents:

A Hurricane of Flavor." On second thought, I do like it when people name their dog something simple and human, such as Steve, Carol or Dr. Peterson.

Skin: Advertising is in such a strange state of flux that bidding to be the title sponsor for a natural disaster is probably not that far away. I'm happy to let it be known that the naming rights for my pooch are up for grabs. Right now I address her as "Get the hell away from me you miserable mutt, you smell like an effing marina." Just a cute little nickname I came up with, but I'm happy to call her "Starkist Lab-Poodle Mix" if the dough is right.

Ben: Oops, I kinda pump-faked you on the whole "Hey, let's both get dogs" thing. Hearing your weekly dog-owner misery makes me happy and confirms that I still have it. Besides, if I'm going to buy a dog, it's going to be one of those new Tori Spelling dogs. She's changed the game with her new Labrador line. I think I'll get one and name it Jeff.

Follow Ben and Skin at twitter.com/benandskin.

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