BEN & SKIN'S HOT POTATO SALADTOPIC 1

Skin: Last week was really exciting for those of us who closely follow breastfeeding. The world was in a tizzy over a Spanish doll for little girls that emulates that most nourishing act. And then it was revealed that a life-sized naked Angelina Jolie statue – which depicts the serial kid-raiser breastfeeding twins – will soon be on display in the streets of Oklahoma City. I can only hope a life-sized naked Spanish Jolie doll, sans twins, is in the works as well.

Ben: That statue makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I'm OK with public breastfeeding, as long as it's done with class and quality cans. But when exactly is it done in the nude as this bizarre statue portrays? They've got naked Angelina sitting on a strange cube-toilet, double-clutching babies like she's carrying two footballs. How is this helping America?

Skin: Not sure how it helps America, but it gives me a reason to drive to OKC. I think it's an amazing work of art celebrating my favorite aspects of nature:

1. The beauty of raising a child.

2. The beauty of Jolie's extreme nakedness.

3. The beauty of rockin' a deuce.

4. The beauty of a power running game.

Ben: Sold. Sounds like a road trip. Besides, let's all count our blessings that the artist didn't choose the Octomom for the statue. That thing

would've looked like a giant wolf spider with loose football babies crawling all over it.

TOPIC 2

Ben: Now that she's parted ways with Idol, it appears that people in charge of other shows are unable to realize why she parted ways with Idol. Despite the fact that fully unhinged, inebriated hobos make more salient points than she does, shows like So You Think You Can Dance?, Dancing With the Stars and Hey, What Pills Are You Taking? are lining up for her services.

Skin: I think it just speaks to the high quality of these reality/contest/talent shows. Who better to determine talent than Ozzy's wife, or the genius behind Baywatch and eating late-night burgers off the floor? Let's throw it to a panel of C-list washouts to get their opinion on future C-list washouts.

Ben: Abdul might have a shot to be a part of a new pilot I'm pitching in the Oklahoma region called So You Think Your Giant Dancing Breasts Would Look Good on an Awkward Statue? It features a black, chubby male judge who repeatedly says, "Bra choice! It's all about bra choice, dawg. Those were just aiight for me."

Skin: You have a show that features a chubby? Not sure you'll be able to get that by the censors, but I admire the gusto.

TOPIC 3

Skin: G.I .Joe came out last weekend and made a boatload of money despite bad reviews. Which is shocking, since most teens won't see a

movie if old white people who like to carry on about thematic devices and narrative arcs don't like it. But my question is, why G.I. Joe? Do

teens even know who/what that is? Wasn't he played out by the time our old asses were into toys?

Ben: I have a younger brother who was way into G.I. Joe. My Star Wars action figures used to play his G.I. Joe action figures in football

every day after school. He didn't have an answer for my tight end, Chewbacca, in the red zone. And Jabba the Hut was an elite run-stuffer

at defensive tackle. We kept his star tailback, Sgt. Stalker, bottled up every game.

Skin: So was Yoda a Parcells type? I always thought Han Solo had that Broadway Joe swagger – never tell him the odds. It was so unfortunate when an aging Solo drunkenly hit on Princess Leia Kolber that fateful night on the sidelines, and asked if he could cram his tongue down her throat. Luke didn't know whether to be protective or jealous, depending on the episode.

Ben: Ah yes. The ol' classic tongue-throat-cram offer. If that magical wand doesn't work, you KNOW she's a lesbian. Yoda was my little Dave Meggett-third-down-waterbug back who caught screens and returned punts. Roadblock gave him a nasty cheap shot on a fair catch, and he was never the same after that. BTW, I'm working on a new statue of Randy Jackson with two Yoda-like Quatos for breasts, giving the "hook 'em" sign. Might not be right for Oklahoma, but everywhere else, it will symbolize freedom.

Follow Ben and Skin at twitter.com/benandskin.

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