TOPIC 1

Skin: It's been an onslaught of bad financial news for the past year or so, but we've been able to say "at least gas isn't going up." Looks like we can't say that anymore, and people who hate generic conversations are the only ones who are happy about it. Gas jumped 17 cents in two weeks, and then Six Flags announced bankruptcy. Coincidence? Probably.

Ben: I'm through panicking about all of the bad news. I just ordered an extended Limo Suburban Dooley that runs on liquid gold. Most economists say this torture will end in 2009, so I'm looking at all of this as temporary. Plus, my toddlers have already given up on college, so I got that going for me.

Skin: You can't trust economists now. This is their only time to get pub. They're drunk from being sought after. But as you pointed out, I agree with them that the torture market has finally hit shaky ground as well. Who can afford it? Everyone predicting that the dominatrix business would pick up the advertising slack created by the auto industry just got steel high heels shoved in their backs.

Ben: Things can't get much worse, so they have to get better, right? I'm too old and fat for hard-core man labor, and I'm too impatient to wait in soup lines. Plus, soup sucks. I'd happily wait in a cheeseburger line. Some call that a drive-through. I call it "the way to work."

TOPIC 2

Ben: My Twitter experiment has continued, and I have to admit, I prefer it to Facebook. However, Twitter comes with its own brand of spam. Every day, I am being followed by new strangers in the Philippines who want to teach me about how marketing can get me more followers for free. It's eerily similar to that spring break I spent in Bangkok.

Skin: Man, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times – one night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster. The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free. But also, Twitter.

Ben: Bangkok is the kind of place where you can stumble onto a porn set, get life in prison for jaywalking and buy Bigfoot meat from a street vendor, all before breakfast. Man, Bangkok should use that last sentence in a brochure or something. I like this for the title of it: "Bangkok: Earth's Filthy Backdoor."

Skin: Bangkok sounds painful, doesn't it? Like, there's a lot of heartbreak there because it's so painful. Yell it really loudly in public – "Hey, you! Bangkok!" And you'll see pain on all faces because they're so sad about all the pain involved. "Bangkok" is to cities as "hammerhead" is to sharks. Painfully sad, lonely sharks. I encourage everyone to yell "Bangkok hammerhead" to their neighbor in church so that it may inspire prayer about sadness.

Skin: I've been asked to be a "local celebrity DJ" at PM Lounge this Saturday night. I was feeling like a pretty big deal until I found out they settled on me after being spurned by Thunder Guy, Pete Delkus' stylist and "some dude who used to live down the street from Mr. Peppermint."

Ben: It seems to be an extremely small niche. Like you said, "local celebrity" in itself is terribly confusing. But then to also be a DJ? That's such a small pool of humans. That basically leaves you and DJ Mixmaster Bobby Carpenter.

Skin: I will never spin with Bobby Carpenter again. Talk about clearing out the dance floor. All he plays is Cowboy Troy and Jessica Simpson's extensive catalog of songs that sample John Cougar Mellencamp. Which reminds me, Mellencamp is a pretty genius name. It sounds like the name of a Russ Meyer flick. I just wrote a screenplay for a movie called Mellencamp, and it has no dialogue.

Ben: What were you talking about? I got distracted by the suit Magic Johnson was wearing on TV. It was either made of polished hammerhead shark skin or panty satin. Anyway, you'll be great Saturday. Everyone loves going to hotels to see their favorite local celebrities spin obscure records of an unknown genre. Let me know when Burton Gilliam's night comes around so I can get a sitter.

Hear the guys on The Ben and Skin Show weekdays from 3 to 7 p.m. on 105.3 "The Fan." Follow them at twitter.com/benandskin. And read their bonus topic on QuickDFW.com.

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