BEN & SKIN'S HOT POTATO SALAD

TOPIC 1: Zombies

Skin: The Cannes Film Festival is all a-twitter about Colin, a $70 zombie movie. Not $70 million – 70 dollars. There are two guarantees in life: One is that zombies were played out by the time the "Thriller" video came out. And secondly, any movie in which a ridiculously low budget is brought up as soon as someone starts describing it, you know it absolutely sucks.

Ben: I like to pretend that Mikejack has herpes in that "Thriller" video. It makes it way more realistic and way more scary to me. Also, dude, 'Shaun of the Dead' was gold. But I can't imagine being interested in a $70 movie called Colin. Maybe if it was called Colon.

Skin: That is a terrifying concept, for an asexual pop star to have zombie herpes. It totally throws "safe sex" on its ear. Why did you bring up colon in a zombie herpes thread?

Ben: No reason ... that you know of. I might hire that low-roller director to make a $70 movie about a rogue zombie's destructive colon called Plunger Dump: Night of the Powerful Dead Colon. Maybe the King of Pop would volunteer to be our on-set colon expert.

TOPIC 2: 'Terminator Salvation'

Ben: I went on a Han-Solo-all-by-myself movie mission to see Terminator Salvation last weekend. Although the dork couple next to me was silently judging me for being sad and alone, I was able to enjoy the thrill-ride explosion-fest nonetheless. It was utterly robot-riffic, but I give the head-to-head nod to Star Trek.

Skin: I hope it was better than Terminator 3: My So-Called Terminator with Claire Danes. That sucked pretty bad. I actually don't remember any of it, come to think of it. Was Peter Weller in that one, too? If this new one plays up to its name, I'm all a-twitter about the idea of the machine-as-Christ-figure. Or as I like to call it, "The LeBron James Phenomenon."

Ben: Let's have a LeBronversation about it. Sorry, I'm better than that. No, I'm not. There was one distracting thing about T4. The whole time I was watching it, I was trying to identify the scene they were shooting when Christian Bale flipped out and machine-gun cussed an intern gaffer for having a loud thought.

Skin: I heard that Bale cuss-athon clip that you're referencing, and I just thought it was an outtake from American Psycho: The Ron Artest Story. Basketball flicks have really advanced and gone all a-twitter since Gabe Kaplan's Fast Break. T4 sounds awesome.

TOPIC 3: My pet cat gives good advice

Skin: Did you see where Twitter was all a-twitter about some tweeting cat with 500,000 followers? Why would you follow a cat on the Internet? That's like purchasing a Ziggy anthology, or having one of those mounted fish that covers Al Green tunes. I just don't have the stomach for contrived cute.

Ben: I'm really digging the challenge of the 140-character limit of Twitter. Sadly, I'm discovering that some of my favorite funny people need 141+ characters, apparently. Here are three Twitter tips for you rookies: Ben Stiller is no longer funny, Sarah Silverman is a gold factory and the person pretending to be Tina Fey is just as funny as Tina Fey.

Skin: You should follow Jan-Michael Vincent, I bet he's on fire. The only thing I remember from math growing up was Michael Douglas divided by 2 equals Kurt Russell and Jan-Michael Vincent. It's good to know that some math is useful in the real world.

Ben: A Google search of Jan-Michael Vincent quickly reveals that he was once in a movie called Airwolf – or as I like to call it, Teenwolf Salvation. I felt the need to defend your cruel attack on Kurt Russell, but in his case, Google proved to be no help. I'm now working on a $70 biopic project for Kurt called Prison Colon: My Career Was Just Like the Tunnel Andy Dufresne Crawled Out of, Except I Had a Goldie Hawn Poster.

Hear the guys on The Ben and Skin Show weekdays from 3 to 7 p.m. on 105.3 "The Fan." Follow them at twitter.com/benandskin. And read their bonus topic on QuickDFW.com.