BEN & SKIN'S HOT POTATO SALAD

TOPIC 1

Ben: Not sure if you caught SNL on Saturday, but JT damn near pitched a perfect game. It's hard to say after hosting just three times that he's better than the great Alec Baldwin, but it's a good argument. The show itself is very hit-or-miss, but last week's show was a monstrous steroid-fuel-injected home run.

Skin: I didn't see it, but every human who did blasted that "mother lover" digital short on their Facebook page Sunday, and I'm glad they did. True gold. I don't even know that JT counts as a guilty pleasure anymore. He's talented as all-get-out, has a sense of humor about himself, and had so much fun with Jessica Biel that she became inspired to play an "erotic stripper" in her next flick. That dude is my hero.

Ben: Is Jessica Biel hotter than Jessica Alba? Let's let Google-image search decide ... inconclusive. Let's look again and again. Safe-search off. Again and again. Still inconclusive. Let's throw Halle Berry in the bed. I mean, discussion. Man, that may be the closest tie of all time. Wait, which dude were you talking about being a bad-ass? You were talking about hot guys you like or something. Sorry, I got sidetracked.

Skin: Rookie mistake – Google-image searching Halle Berry with safe-search off. That's an inadvertent heavy dose of Billy Bob Thornton when you least expect it.

TOPIC 2

Skin: Did you see where a legislator had her car vandalized the same day she spoke out about stiffer resistance for cockfighting? That's a shame, because I, for one, am way against cockfighting. I find it vulgar and offensive. Just as I do sword fighting, hot-dog eating contests or whack-a-mole.

Ben: I, too, am against all of those things, as well as light-saber fighting, Earl Campbell's hot-link fencing, stream-crossing and Takeru Kobayashi's blog. This whole conversation motivates me to seek out a legislator's Ford Taurus and give it a dirty look. I'm classy, Skin. I don't vandalize. It's about class.

Skin: You're right. It's class and dignity and respect. It's about growth and maturity. That's what I've learned as I've made my ascent into adulthood. I've got kids, and I aim to raise them in a world that I try to improve with every action that I take. By the way, my 1-year-old laughs when he farts. It's genius.

Ben: Who doesn't laugh about farting? Oh yeah, my poor surgeon-mask-wearing trophy wife. Each night she sleeps in a very deadly Dutch oven. Oh yeah, BTW, I'm mature too, and stuff.

TOPIC 3

Ben: After seeing Dazed and Confused, I was fairly certain that McConaughey was going to have an awesome career starring in all of my favorite movies. Since then, he's shown that he has less to offer than a Bowflex model. He doesn't wear deodorant, talks like someone with a head injury and hasn't made a good movie since his debut.

Skin: I thought he was really good in that one romantic comedy he did with ol'-what's-her-name. No doubt, he clearly sucks. He's not even one of the 50 most interesting people from Longview. Do you realize somebody thought it was a good idea to cast him as a spiritual adviser in Contact? That's akin to casting Jim Belushi in anything.

Ben: Which movie was better, Contact or The Arrival? Every time I see a mysterious lawn crew, I think they're trying to destroy the research Charlie Sheen did with the alien kid who had backward kangaroo legs. Let's let leaked pictures of Rihanna decide on Google-image search. Yep, that settles it: The Arrival is way better. But still treat yourself to Rihanna ... unless you hate naked.

Skin: Do you mean Charlize Theron? Wasn't she naked in some astronaut spaceman movie? I'm just now finding out that Rihanna is into naked sci-fi. Is that what The Arrival is about? I believe it was Andy Warhol who once said everyone will be naked on the Internet for at least 15 minutes. Or something like that.

Hear the guys on The Ben and Skin Show weekdays from 3 to 7 p.m. on 105.3 "The Fan." Follow them at twitter.com/benandskin. And read Topic 4 on QuickDFW.com.