BEN & SKIN'S HOT POTATO SALAD

TOPIC 1

Ben: My inside sources at entertainment sites that I read are now exclusively confirming that Tinseltown is working on a new Wonder Woman movie. Great. I haven't been this disinterested in anything since ever. Unless they cast Angelina Jolie and she gets somewhat naked.

Skin: What did you mean by "somewhat naked?" I forgot the Wonder Woman story. Is she a lingerie model? It's a shame that they rarely turn those remake joints into nudie spectacles. I still haven't seen that movie where Jolie was a naked snake MILF. Wasn't that an adaptation of The Canterbury Tales?

Ben: It was called Beowulf, and you need not waste two sacred, unrecoverable hour-units on it. Just Google image search "Beowulf and Jolie," and you'll see everything you need to see immediately. Apparently, Hollywood is going to ride the tired and limping superhero trend right into a ditch. I'm also expecting a third mall-cop movie before summer ends.

Skin: Holy love power, I just took your Google advice, and those pics are indeed epic. Now I can't begin to comprehend why there has been so much English lit debate over whether Beowulf fits in the oral tradition. What's the debate? I think it'd be better for all of us if we just relented and moved on.

TOPIC 2

Skin: My remote stopped on the Masters a few times Sunday afternoon. I can't even explain why. I guess it's kind of soothing to have all that lush green on a big ol' recession-proof high-def TV. And the commercials are a good way to check the pulse of older white men without having to know any of them. Apparently, luxury cars, financial institutions and Viagra are still all the rage.

Ben: Thanks for bringing up golf. I haven't been this disinterested in anything since pretending to read the new Wonder Woman script. If I want to know what old white men are up to, I just read my own blog. Golf is a straight-gangsta skeleton-inducer. Golf is the only thing that bores mannequins. When sheep go to sleep, they count golfs.

Skin: If I were sheep, I'd be way too scared to go to sleep, because so many rednecks think sheep look exactly like Ned Beatty. So what's the deal with your golf blog? You been two-timing me? Where does that fit in the pecking order of all the other blogs we committed to and never post on?

Ben: I've been neglecting all of my blogs, especially my new blog that chronicles your struggling Ned Beatty blog. I have 15 different golf blogs that I created for the sole purpose of being able to count them when trying to fall asleep.

TOPIC 3

Ben: Bill-Robert had a character-revealing meltdown last week during a radio interview, because the host acknowledged his acting résumé before kissing his band's ass because of his acting résumé. Hey, Karl, you and the Slingbladers wouldn't be able to book the Turd Hut in White Settlement without your work in movies.

Skin: He definitely seems to have lost all perspective, which is pretty disappointing considering how much I've always enjoyed him in flicks. I don't recall his exact ascent to fame. Was he a well-known actor first, or did he blow up after swapping vials of blood with a smokin' hot MILF snake and then making Bad Santa?

Ben: It's that old hillbilly-makes-good fairy tale, where Hollywood needs someone to play the role of dumb white trash, so they scour the backwoods of Arkansas until they find the first hayseed noodling for catfish who will consider leaving paradise for Hollywood.

Skin: Yeah, that's a classic tale. I do love the story of how they discovered Woody Harrelson while noodling for Juliette Lewis. Just don't bring it up to them when you're interviewing their bands that nobody has ever heard of or cares about.

Hear the guys on The Ben and Skin Show weekdays from 3 to 7 p.m. on 105.3 "The Fan." E-mail them at skin@benandskin.com.